Taking the Stress out of Parenting

Written by: Nicole Teague
CIGNA Behavioral Health

Being a parent can be one of the most rewarding experiences in your life; however, it can also be one of the most difficult. Whether you are dealing with a new baby, a tantrum-throwing toddler, or a rebellious teenager, there are bound to be days that test your patience to the fullest extent. Occasionally, the responsibilities that come with being a parent become too overwhelming, and stress rears its ugly head.

Stress is a normal part of everyday life. In fact, some stress can even be healthy if it motivates you to perform desirable behaviors. However, there are times when not knowing how to handle stress becomes dangerous. The effects can range from feelings of resentment towards the child to taking stress out on the child. Additionally, research has shown that there is a close link between the amount of stress that one experiences and the incidence of child abuse and domestic violence in the home (APA). Furthermore, how you deal with stress effects your child, as it gives them an example as to how they should act if they become overwhelmed themselves. Provide a good example for your child and be the best parent that you can be by learning how to handle the stress that parenting can bring. Here are some tips on how to keep it cool when times get tough:

• Know when you are stressed. Learning to recognize when you are experiencing stress is an essential step in being able to deal with it. Many times signs of stress include physical symptoms such as tense muscles, headache, upset stomach, and fatigue. You may also find that you are having trouble sleeping, are irritable, are having difficulty concentrating, or are experiencing feelings of anger, frustration, or being “down in the dumps”.
• Know why you are stressed. Try to identify the factors that are causing your stress. These are called stressors. Perhaps you will find that the cause of your stress really isn’t the demands of parenting after all, but perhaps the result of a situation at work or an argument with a friend. Whatever the cause may be, take steps to confront the issue. By not dealing with it, you are only adding to your stress level. Sometimes you can experience stress without even knowing why – this is completely normal.
• Try to reduce the stressors in your life. Take steps to avoid stress when you can. If it’s the morning commute that gets your blood boiling, try taking a different route or leaving at a different time. Plan a budget to take off some of the strain if it’s your finances that have got you down. If your relationship with your spouse is causing you stress, consider talking to a counselor.
• Take a break. Read a book. Catch a nap. Get some exercise. Take part in a hobby. Write your thoughts down in a journal. Give yourself a “timeout”. Watch your favorite TV show. Make it a priority to find some time to do the things that you enjoy.
• Take care of yourself. Exercise regularly, eat a well-balanced diet, and get adequate sleep. If your body isn’t healthy, it makes it more difficult for your mind to be.
• Make time for family and friends. Get a sitter and head out for some one-on-one time with your spouse. Go out to dinner with friends. Plan a special activity with your child. Having fun is a great way to relieve stress.
• Get some support. Seek out your family and friends for support. Church and community groups can provide you with the opportunity to meet other parents who understand what you are going through. If you need additional help, consult a mental health professional.
• Vent. Let your frustrations out. As long as you can keep your anger under wraps, by expressing your feelings you will be showing your child that experiencing stress is a normal part of life. Set an example as to how they can deal with their feelings constructively by being a good mentor.
• Think positively. Negative thoughts can lead to higher amounts of stress. By thinking positively, you will be teaching your child to do the same. When times get tough, remind yourself of the positive aspects of being a parent. Moreover, research shows that a positive outlook can help you to live longer (Anderson, 2003)!
• Be realistic. Don’t fall into the grips of the Super-Parent Syndrome – it’s a myth. If you need help, ask for it! Don’t set unreasonable expectations for yourself or for your child.
• Time management skills. Get organized! Children require extra time – plan this into your schedule so you are able to deal with whatever situation may arise without the added stress. Don’t allow something as minor as a missing sock to set a stressful tone for the day. You will find that your child will be more cooperative if they do not feel pressured.
• Try to see the situation from your child’s point of view. Doing this helps to put things into perspective. Rethink whether the issue that is causing you stress is really worth getting upset over.
• Laugh! Using humor is a great way to lower tension. Learn how to make light of a situation.
• Discipline appropriately. Praise your child when they are doing something right and set limits which you enforce when your child exceeds them.
• Stick to the issue at hand. Don’t blow things out of proportion. Wait until you feel calmer to address unrelated issues.
• Talk to your child.Find out the reasons behind your child’s behavior. Are they having difficulties at school or with issues at home? Don’t forget – children experience stress too, and the way in which they express their feelings can be quite different from yours. On the other hand, telling your children how you feel may offer them some insight to your behavior, and eventually result in a less stressful situation.

Sometimes no matter what steps you take to decrease the amount of stress in your home, you may find that it’s simply not working. Take a closer look at your child’s behavior - is there a more serious issue they are dealing with that you can’t handle on your own? Or maybe you feel that the stress has just become too much and you are headed into dangerous territory. Don’t be afraid to get professional help for yourself or your child if necessary.

References:
American Psychological Association (APA). (n.d.). APA Fact Sheet on Child Care. Child Care and Child Abuse: What Research Tells Us. Retrieved October 13, 2005 from http://www.apa.org/ppo/issues/pabuse.html

Anderson, Norman B. and Elizabeth P. (2003). Emotional Longevity: What Really Determines How Long You Live. Retrieved October 14, 2005 from http://www.apahelpcenter.org/articles/article.php?id=103

This material is provided by CIGNA Behavioral Health, Inc. for informational/educational purposes only. It is not intended as medical/clinical advice. Only a healthcare provider can make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment plan. For more information about your behavioral health benefits, you can call the member services or behavioral health telephone number listed on your healthcare identification card.