Overcoming Bullying – Are You Up To The Challenge?

Perhaps your child just told you that some kids at school have been spreading awful rumors about her. Or maybe your son came home with torn clothes and lately his grades have been falling. Or maybe you’ve just learned that your child has been treating another child badly.

If either of these sounds like a situation your child is in, then they, like so many others, may be involved in bullying.

What is Bullying?

Bullying is very common, and many children are affected by it at some point during their lives. Bullying happens when someone hurts or scares another person on purpose and the person being bullied has a hard time defending themselves.¹ However, bullying doesn’t always include physical attacks like hitting, tripping, or pushing. It can also include emotional forms such as making fun of others, spreading rumors, or leaving someone out of a certain group.

With today’s advances in technology, a newer form of bullying known as cyber-bulling is becoming more common. Cyber-bullying includes bullying that is done over the internet, cell phone, or by using other technology. For example, a child may send mean emails or text messages, or they may post messages about other kids on their blog or website.

Why does bullying happen?

Kids sometimes bully others because they want attention or they think it’s a way to get other kids to like them. Bullies are often kids who get angry easily and have a hard time controlling their emotions.

Children who get bullied are sometimes different from others in someway. They often are children who get upset easily, have low self-esteem, are shy, or have a hard time standing up for themselves. These types of characteristics make it easier for a bully to pick on certain children because it makes the bully feel more powerful.

What are the effects of bullying?

Although bullying is common, it is a big deal. It can have long-term effects that can carry over throughout adulthood. They can include:

• Unusual fear or anxiety about going to school
• Physical complaints such as headaches or stomachaches
• Missing or damaged belongings or the need for extra money for supplies
• Bruises, scrapes, or messy appearance
• Nightmares or sleep problems
• Behavior problems
• A change in grades or academic performance
• Coming home hungry from school regularly – this could be a sign that a bully is taking a child’s lunch or lunch money
• Low self-esteem
• Feelings of depression
• Withdrawn behavior

How can you help your child?

Children are often afraid to tell someone that they’re being bullied because they’re worried it will make it worse. By having open and honest communication with your child, they will be more likely to come to you if they’re having problems.

If your child is a victim of bullying

Here are some things you can suggest for your child to try if they are being bullied.

• Ignore them. Kids who bully others are often just looking for a reaction. If they don’t get the reaction they are looking for, they usually quit.
• Tell someone. Parents, teachers, principals, and other school workers can also help stop bullying. Encourage your child to tell an adult if they are being bullied.
• Use the buddy system. Bullies are more likely to pick on someone who is alone than on someone who is with a group.
• Don’t bully back. Fighting a bully could put your child into a potentially dangerous situation, as well as encourage more bullying.
• Stand up for yourself. Although fighting a bully could be dangerous, teaching your child to stand up straight and look people in the eye when confronted can help your child to look more confident.

It may also be a good idea to talk to school officials to let them know about the problem and to see what can be done about it.

If your child is bullying others

If your child is bullying others, it’s important to let them know that it’s not an acceptable way to act. Here are some ways you can help your child.

• Let them know that while being a bully may cause other people to listen to them, it doesn’t mean they will be liked or respected by other kids. Eventually, they will lose friends.
• Set clear consequences so your child knows exactly what will happen if they bully again.
• Help your child to come up with ways other than bullying to handle situations that make them angry or frustrated.
• Take time to help your child understand other people’s feelings, and how their behavior can affect others.
• Children learn from watching others. Pay close attention to your behaviors and what example you might be setting for your child. For example, do you yell at the car that just cut you off in traffic?
• Many times bullies are children who don’t have many friends. Teaching your child social skills can help them to build friendships that may help prevent them from bullying in the future.

If your child is involved in bullying – either as a bully or a victim – it’s important to get help now. Seeking help from school officials or from a mental health professional may be a necessary step to stop the bullying. Growing up may not be easy, but it can be filled with happy memories – not ones overshadowed by the actions of a bully.

References:

¹ Health Resources and Services Administration (HRSA). (n.d.) So What is Bullying? Retrieved December 18, 2007 from the World Wide Web: http://stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/index.asp?area=whatbullyingis