Dealing With Peer Pressure For Kids

Written by: Jim Arndt, MS
CIGNA Behavioral Health

Children want to be liked and they want to fit in. They may worry about being made fun of by their peers if they don't go along with the group. In their interactions with their friends, some children may leave their better judgment and common sense at home, letting pressure to conform carry them toward something they wouldn't normally choose in response to peer pressure.

What is peer pressure?
When you think about peer pressure your first thought may be negative, bringing back some memory from the past when you did something you shouldn't have, or hung out with a group of friends who had questionable motives. However, if you think about it, you might also recall a group of friends who steered you away from a potentially bad situation. So, peer pressure can be either positive or negative. Helping your child identify potentially "good" or "bad" situations will provide them with a valuable tool they can use into adulthood.

Dealing with peer pressure
It is easier to encourage your child to participate in experiencing "good" peer pressure. In this situation you can encourage your child to go along with the crowd. If s/he is facing "bad" peer pressure, there may be a few steps you want to take to help the child steer clear of a making a poor decision. Due to the potential consequences associated with bad peer pressure, we will focus on how you might manage bad peer pressure.

1. Know the rules. A clear set of family rules can go a long way in helping to set appropriate boundaries for your children. Examples can include: requiring consistent school attendance and participation in and/or completion of school-related activities (such as homework), setting regular meal times and curfews, and identifying the risks of smoking and alcohol use. It also helps to discuss your family rules so your children can understand and be able to apply them. The hope is to establish boundaries so your children will know the consequences they may face if they are considering going against those rules.
2. Crossing the line. Peer pressure usually comes down to a split-second decision. This decision can bear consequences. The power of bad peer pressure is to get your child to do something s/he probably wouldn't normally do. Your child may be faced with a multi-faceted dilemma. Does s/he risk being alienated and ridiculed by the peer group? Does s/he realize the full extent of the consequences? This can be a very important place to work with your child. This work can start with just letting your child know that split-second decisions must be made at many points in life. You can even role-play with your children and discuss their reactions, both good and bad. Show them positive support in making the right decisions and help them understand the implications when bad decisions are made.
3. Information can help. Get to know your children's friends and their parents. This can give you an advantage in that it may help you know how those friends typically act and to possibly develop a unified front with other parents. Your child's teacher may be another great source for information. The teacher can provide valuable insight into your child's interaction with other students. School activities are also a great place to meet the parents of your children's friends.
4. Building self-confidence. Help build your child's self-confidence. This can help your child to be able to judge their situations based on their confidence level in themselves versus letting someone else make a decision with possible consequences. A parent can educate, test, and encourage their children that boost their own self-confidence. This can hopefully be a process for your child to be able confidently make their own, wise choices.

Dealing with peer pressure can be a scary process. Actively addressing peer pressure begins with helping your child identify right from wrong, and then tapping into the child's personal strengths to help him or her make appropriate split-second decisions when necessary. Remember that some mistakes may be made along the way, but in supporting your child through the process, you are helping your child to develop valuable interpersonal skills that can last a lifetime.

This material is provided by CIGNA Behavioral Health, Inc. for informational/educational purposes only. It is not intended as medical/clinical advice. Only a healthcare provider can make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment plan. For more information about your behavioral health benefits, you can call the member services or behavioral health telephone number listed on your healthcare identification card.